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Why Won't My Boyfriend Propose?

April 16th 2009 20:32
It can be hard to be in a long relationship with someone and have to sit tight until he's ready to propose, especially when you see your friends and family who may be around your age getting engaged and you think that you're ready.

Well, you don't want to force him to propose because if he's not ready and you basically make an ultimatum, you're in for a potentially miserable marriage.

My cousin is one of those females, who I can see eventually threatening her boyfriend. In the past few months, she's had conversations around him with his friends about getting married, and has even made slide comments about other people getting engaged. Now, they've been dating for about two years, and she's very immature and really not ready or prepared to get married. I'm not sure if he sees that or if he's just not ready himself, but comments like, "Oh go figure John and Jane have been dating less than we have and they're already engaged. Humph," while around your boyfriend and several of his friends is plain uncalled for.

But, anyway that's on example of how not to leave hints that you're ready to get married. Hints are fine, but snippy comments are definitely noted in his book.

Reasons your man may not have proposed yet:
* He doesn't have a biological clock: Men are fertile well into their elderly years, so where women have that nice and irritating biological clock that just ticks away, your man doesn't, so waiting to get married just may not be a major priority to him, as he just doesn't realize the pressure that women feel to settle down.

* He dreads the actual wedding and marriage: Some men dread the big day, and you know what? Women just crave to be a princess for that one day. Some men dread thinking about "being stuck with the same woman for the rest of his life." Others just dread getting his entire family in one room with hers; it really can be a circus.
* He wants to be prepared: Although, this isn't the case with all men, but some actually want to be prepared, meaning having the finances all planned out and the major life decisions preplanned before even giving the proposal.
* He fears making the proposal: It can be scary giving the proposal. He just doesn't know what the response may be. He doesn't know how to do it, and doesn't want you to find him utterly cliche by hiding the ring in your desert.

And, in all reality, your boyfriend just may not be ready for marriage, or he just may not be 100% sure that he's ready to spend the rest of his life with you. And, it's sad to put it that way, but that's reality.

You can ease any fears, by helping him plan out your future life and discussing finances, kids, dogs, and the house. It's always a good idea to make sure that you are both on the same mindset and life path. Make the proposal simple for him by telling him that simple and sweet is better than than him paying out the bum to have the proposal written in the sky or posted on a billboard. By telling him what kind of proposal you want (in a nice, subtle way) will ease his nerves about preparing the proposal.

If you're ready to get married and your boyfriend just hasn't proposed, maybe you should think about a few things before you start pestering him about when he's going to.
1. How long have you been dating?
2. Are you in a happy relationship?
3. Do you have an equal relationship, where you both help out?
4. Have you discussed your future finances?
5. Have you discussed children?
6. Do you talk regularly? About your relationship? Work? Life? Anything and everything?
7. Have you talked about marriage?

Remember that even though you and your partner may have been dating a few years, it doesn't necessarily mean that you are both ready to get married. There is no time limit on dating that says after a specific period, you must get married.

Sometimes just having a neutral discussion about marriage and the possibility of getting married puts the topic out in the open. It's a good way to make sure that you both want the same things out of life.

And, if all else fails and you just can't take it anymore, ask him. It's not uncommon for women to ask men to get married. We're in a new age; we're no longer in the age of your grandmother or great-grandmother. Women and men are equals. Ask him, if you really think the time is right.


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6 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by Journeywoman

April 20th 2009 08:06
I agree with Flirt, marriage is just not necessary these days! I don't ever want to get married - there's no point as I'm not religious and want to keep my last name forever. Anyone who hassles a guy to marry her is deeply insecure and will probably end up causing the failure of her relationship as a result.

Why not just be with someone for as long as you love them? Makes sense to me.

Comment by Whitney

April 20th 2009 12:37
Journey, I agree with you in terms of not hassling a guy to marry them causing long-term issues. I'd much rather him decide when it's time. I mean, I'm fine with long-term commitment and not marriage.

Marriage is just a title, but many find it very important. *Shrugs*

Comment by Mau-Medellin

April 20th 2009 15:54
Why Won't My Boyfriend Propose?
Maybe he just doesn't want to...

Comment by Whitney

April 20th 2009 16:36
Mau-Medllin, I suggested that as well.

Comment by Nevar

April 22nd 2009 02:33
Perhaps the naked view you presented was more than he bargained for.

Naked defined:

displays of horror when he brings home the freshly killed bacon,
excoriating his protective posturing,
going clingy when friends show up,
spending to much time together,
mocking his interests and needs,
mocking his past love interests,
scoffing at his love of sports,
scoffing at his need to scratch where it itches,
serving to many vegan meals to a burger eater,
phoning every five minutes,
constantly demanding attention at inappropriate times,
displays of jealousy and tantrums,
never making clear decisions
(either you want fish n chips or you don't),
sex is not a bargaining chip.

Comment by Anonymous

October 23rd 2010 02:20
I agree in that I didn't always want to get married. What I do want is kids, according to my BF we need to be married before that can happen. I've been (im)patiently awaiting his proposal for over a year.
I asked him once and he told me he has to ask.

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