WhitneyHow You're Ruining Your Relationship?
November 28th 2009 18:32
Everyone has problems, and no one is perfect, but when it comes to a relationship, you want to make sure that you can figure out all the kinks, or at least most of them. You don't want to let your bad habits and insecurities get in the way. Correct them in order to make the relationship that much better.
1. If you have insecurities about your body, you'll show little signs of covering yourself when you're naked and your partner is around. Compliments make you nervous and uncomfortable, and you sometimes have thoughts of, 'why is he even with you." Your partner notices these things, even if you don't say anything flat out, especially if you start to withdraw sexually.
You can fix the concern by realizing that he's not being sarcastic or condescending when he tells you how beautiful he thinks you are. It's actually a good idea to go ahead and discuss the insecurity with your partner.
2. You have bad timing when bringing up sore issues that you know you and your partner argue about. You don't want your family or friends hearing these piddly arguments. Communication is very important, but when and where you communicate is just as important. If you continue to bring up sore topics when it's not the best timing, your partner will probably stop bringing you around his friends and family.
If you feel the need to bring it up around friends or family, tell him, 'hey can we talk later, something's bothering me.' Make sure that you have a save and private place to talk so that you can resolve any issues.
3. You tend to snap for little things. You don't really match the bad behavior with the punishment, so to speak. Basically, if your partner forgets to take out the trash and you go bazurk, there's a problem. It'll get to the point, where your partner won't know what to expect even if he's going to say something non-threatening and nice.
The only fix is to work on being self-aware of yourself, what you say, and how you say it. If you start to feel yourself getting frustrated or mad, walk away and think about it. Figure out why you don't care what his feelings are or why you get so angry. Has your partner done something in the past to cause you to be insecure. Try to be more calm and insightful; try 'why didn't you call?" versus "YOU DIDN'T CALL!"
4. Don't keep tabs because it shows that you feel like your partner doesn't realize or appreciate you and your contributions to the relationship. Don't pull the, "well, I went to the game last weekend, you should go to the opera this weekend," trick.
If you start to feel yourself comparing what you've done with what he's done, stop talking. Think about it, and rephrase. If you keep score, then it just provides you more ammo to win an argument, which isn't the way you should be looking at the relationship. You should never look at the relationship as to who's the better partner or who contributes the most. Just because you washed the dishes 5 nights this week, doesn't necessarily make you better, as your partner may have taken out the trash every day, cut the grass, and washed the cars. In the end, it generally evens out.
5. Don't let your past dictate your present or future. In many cases, you may blame your ex for problems you're having now. In most cases, as humans, we all repeat past problems in order to solve them, so if we feel like your partner is going to do something that your ex did that you didn't like, we will subconsciously try to come up with a solution to the old problem, which will more than likely create an issue with your current partner.
You want to take a minute to figure out if you have any issues or arguments with past partners that still bother you. If so, write them down. If your current partner does something similar, ask yourself whether or not he deserves it and if the argument is warranted. It's a good idea to tell your current partner about past ones in these situations so that together you can figure out how to improve the current relationship and to prevent blowups that are truly unwarranted and caused by past flames. Make sure that you partner understands, the only reason you're bringing up your ex is to help improve your relationship with him.
1. If you have insecurities about your body, you'll show little signs of covering yourself when you're naked and your partner is around. Compliments make you nervous and uncomfortable, and you sometimes have thoughts of, 'why is he even with you." Your partner notices these things, even if you don't say anything flat out, especially if you start to withdraw sexually.
You can fix the concern by realizing that he's not being sarcastic or condescending when he tells you how beautiful he thinks you are. It's actually a good idea to go ahead and discuss the insecurity with your partner.
2. You have bad timing when bringing up sore issues that you know you and your partner argue about. You don't want your family or friends hearing these piddly arguments. Communication is very important, but when and where you communicate is just as important. If you continue to bring up sore topics when it's not the best timing, your partner will probably stop bringing you around his friends and family.
If you feel the need to bring it up around friends or family, tell him, 'hey can we talk later, something's bothering me.' Make sure that you have a save and private place to talk so that you can resolve any issues.
3. You tend to snap for little things. You don't really match the bad behavior with the punishment, so to speak. Basically, if your partner forgets to take out the trash and you go bazurk, there's a problem. It'll get to the point, where your partner won't know what to expect even if he's going to say something non-threatening and nice.
The only fix is to work on being self-aware of yourself, what you say, and how you say it. If you start to feel yourself getting frustrated or mad, walk away and think about it. Figure out why you don't care what his feelings are or why you get so angry. Has your partner done something in the past to cause you to be insecure. Try to be more calm and insightful; try 'why didn't you call?" versus "YOU DIDN'T CALL!"
If you start to feel yourself comparing what you've done with what he's done, stop talking. Think about it, and rephrase. If you keep score, then it just provides you more ammo to win an argument, which isn't the way you should be looking at the relationship. You should never look at the relationship as to who's the better partner or who contributes the most. Just because you washed the dishes 5 nights this week, doesn't necessarily make you better, as your partner may have taken out the trash every day, cut the grass, and washed the cars. In the end, it generally evens out.
5. Don't let your past dictate your present or future. In many cases, you may blame your ex for problems you're having now. In most cases, as humans, we all repeat past problems in order to solve them, so if we feel like your partner is going to do something that your ex did that you didn't like, we will subconsciously try to come up with a solution to the old problem, which will more than likely create an issue with your current partner.
You want to take a minute to figure out if you have any issues or arguments with past partners that still bother you. If so, write them down. If your current partner does something similar, ask yourself whether or not he deserves it and if the argument is warranted. It's a good idea to tell your current partner about past ones in these situations so that together you can figure out how to improve the current relationship and to prevent blowups that are truly unwarranted and caused by past flames. Make sure that you partner understands, the only reason you're bringing up your ex is to help improve your relationship with him.
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