Anne TootillTo Be or Not To Be a Mother - Part Three
March 14th 2007 20:43
Today in class my teacher, who is also the head of the department, shared a funny story with us. She told us that the daycare center had gotten in touch with her – she had one son in the Fours and one son in Alex’s group – to inform her that her son and another child had gotten into a scuffle over a toy and the other child had bitten him on the cheek. They wanted her to know before she came to pick him up, so she wouldn’t be surprised by the welt covering the right side of his face. They also told her that while he was initially upset, he was doing just fine. And the reason she was sharing? She thought it was hysterical. And cute. Cute that a girl, a girl who was half her son’s size, had bested him over a toy. I didn’t quite see the humor. After all someone had hurt her son. It didn’t sound very funny to me. But she kept on smiling…at me. And you know why she was smiling at me? Because my daughter, my teeny tiny angel was the one who had nearly carved a hollow in the side of her son’s face.
Oh God, how could Alex have bitten anyone? What had I done to teach her to bite? She’d never bitten anyone before. Of course this was the first time either of my kids had been around so many others their age and for so long. And if she had these latent flesh-eating tendencies, why oh Mother of God did she have to bite the crap out of my teacher, no, my department head’s son?
While the daycare center wasn’t angry about “the incident” (according to them…it happens) nor did they try to blame me for not teaching her right from wrong, they did suggest, strongly suggest, that maybe this was a sign that Alex wasn’t getting the attention she needed. That this was her way of acting out to get that attention.
Wow, I would never have thought of that. Hadn’t I been giving Alex constant attention? I held her all the time. Held her, played with her, talked to her. She was the easy one. She wanted me to hold her. She always wanted her mommy. Even to the exclusion of all others. Which truly pissed off my mother-in-law. She loved that Josh didn’t care if I was around or not. As long as someone played with him he wanted them to stay. And since she gave him constant attention it seemed as if he wanted to be with her more than me. And she loved to flaunt that in my face. But Alex was a different story. No matter how much attention she lavished on her, Alex only wanted her mommy. And my mother-in-law hated that my child preferred me to her. Her response? To constantly point out what a sweet and good child Josh was, and how Alex was not.
Like I was saying Alex constantly wanted her mommy around. For the first time in my life I felt special. Someone chose me above all others. It made me feel loved. And so I gave her lots of attention. Not that I ignored Josh, but I definitely did not ignore Alex. So when the staff at the daycare center told me they thought I needed to give Alex more attention, in my heart I knew they were wrong. But in my head I figured they knew better. I always thought everyone did. So I told them I’d try harder.
That night I went home feeling that I was a bad mother again. No matter how hard I tried I always seemed to get it wrong, and someone was always there eager to point it out. Just when I thought I was coming out of the dark – school and talking to the people in my class had really helped the cloud life – I was back down again. By the time I went to bed I knew I was worthless and a loser.
Oh God, how could Alex have bitten anyone? What had I done to teach her to bite? She’d never bitten anyone before. Of course this was the first time either of my kids had been around so many others their age and for so long. And if she had these latent flesh-eating tendencies, why oh Mother of God did she have to bite the crap out of my teacher, no, my department head’s son?
While the daycare center wasn’t angry about “the incident” (according to them…it happens) nor did they try to blame me for not teaching her right from wrong, they did suggest, strongly suggest, that maybe this was a sign that Alex wasn’t getting the attention she needed. That this was her way of acting out to get that attention.
Wow, I would never have thought of that. Hadn’t I been giving Alex constant attention? I held her all the time. Held her, played with her, talked to her. She was the easy one. She wanted me to hold her. She always wanted her mommy. Even to the exclusion of all others. Which truly pissed off my mother-in-law. She loved that Josh didn’t care if I was around or not. As long as someone played with him he wanted them to stay. And since she gave him constant attention it seemed as if he wanted to be with her more than me. And she loved to flaunt that in my face. But Alex was a different story. No matter how much attention she lavished on her, Alex only wanted her mommy. And my mother-in-law hated that my child preferred me to her. Her response? To constantly point out what a sweet and good child Josh was, and how Alex was not.
Like I was saying Alex constantly wanted her mommy around. For the first time in my life I felt special. Someone chose me above all others. It made me feel loved. And so I gave her lots of attention. Not that I ignored Josh, but I definitely did not ignore Alex. So when the staff at the daycare center told me they thought I needed to give Alex more attention, in my heart I knew they were wrong. But in my head I figured they knew better. I always thought everyone did. So I told them I’d try harder.
That night I went home feeling that I was a bad mother again. No matter how hard I tried I always seemed to get it wrong, and someone was always there eager to point it out. Just when I thought I was coming out of the dark – school and talking to the people in my class had really helped the cloud life – I was back down again. By the time I went to bed I knew I was worthless and a loser.
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