WhitneyTo Be or Not To Be a Mother -Part Three
February 19th 2007 20:52
It was 1 A.M. As in one o’clock in the morning. And Josh and Alex were wide awake and ready to start their day. Apparently, they had not quit gotten the message that it was 3 hours earlier than home and they should reset their internal clock. Not that their normal waking routine was so much better…5 A.M. (that’s right 5 A.M. every day). However based upon that time and factoring in the time difference, they should have gotten up at 2 A.M. Then again middle of the night is still the middle of the night. Two or three hours of sleep, who the hell really cared.
Normally, I was then one who would wake up and take care of the kids, but I couldn’t move. And I didn’t want to. I was still so angry that my husband had made me come even though he knew how hard it was for me. So he got up and stayed up while I went back to sleep until it really was morning. I guess you could say that he knew he’d pushed the envelope on this one. Or that he knew how close I was to the edge. But I was pretty sure the real reason was that he was hoping that if he did this for me, I’d change my attitude for him, so he could have a good time on HIS vacation.
After I woke up I got myself and the kids ready and we drove to the Hotel Del Coronado where the bride and groom had been staying and planned to have pictures taken before the ceremony. My future sister-in-law showed me to their room where she had arranged for two teenagers to babysit the kids after we took family pictures. The room was beautiful, the girls seemed nice and my sis-in-law- to- be had brought toys, books and snacks for the kids. I thanked her for her generosity knowing that she’d already confided to my mother-in-law that the only kids she was permitting at her wedding were her flesh and blood nieces and nephews (they were young but a tad older than my kids). I have to admit I felt hurt and angry that her toddler and preschool relatives could come but mine could not. My husband said that I’d have more fun if they weren’t there and while I couldn’t deny that there was a 100% chance of that being true, I felt she should have given me the opportunity to choose. Instead all I could think about was that my kids weren’t good enough to be included while her family was…
Anyway, we took the kids and went to the lobby of this upscale luxury hotel to take pictures. My mother and father-in-law and my husband’s sister and her husband were already waiting. I was actually starting to get into a festive mood. I had on a party dress (true it wasn’t exactly my taste) but it had a crinoline skirt that made swooshing noises every time I walked and the maid of honor had put a pretty flower in my hair (not a choice but a mandatory bridal fashion statement).
The photographer started to pose us. The kids looked so cute. Josh was wearing a teeny tiny tux that he had worn 5 months ago for my husband’s sister’s wedding pictures and Alex was wearing this gorgeous frilly pink dress that she’d been gifted with at her birth.
Unfortunately, Josh was being a kid who wasn’t quite 3 years old. A kid who was far from his home in a foreign land. A kid who woke up at 1 A.M. and probably needed a nap. I tried to get him to do what he was supposed to do. I could see my brother-in-law and his bride getting angry and agitated. I felt the pressure to make it all better. My heart was racing. I had to fix this. I was having trouble breathing and I felt dizzy. Meanwhile, my husband didn’t seem to notice that anything was wrong. He was busy laughing and chatting with his parents and sister.
And then it happened. My brother-in-law and his bride snapped…at me. Screaming, screaming, “Donna, make Josh stay still. Do something he’s ruining everything.” They were so angry and I was so powerless. I tried. I yelled at Josh. I coaxed him. I bribed him. I threatened him. As usual he seemed to be in his own world. All he seemed to care about were the matchbox cars he was holding. And if you took those away he’d go ballistic.
What do I do? What do I do? I looked around at my in-laws and my husband but no one offered a helping hand. And no one took my side and supported me against the bride and grooms verbal onslaught.
Suddenly, I couldn’t take it anymore. I ran out into the courtyard and I cried. My husband never came to get me. My mother-in-law did. She gave me a brief hug. I thought she’d come to tell me that they were wrong for yelling at me and me alone. I thought she came to tell me I was a good mother and that I was doing the best I could which was good enough, but after I calmed down all she said was that I had to go back and finish taking the pictured. Then she lead me back inside.
My husband never said a word. He never stood up for me. Not once. I felt so all alone. But I did what I had to do. I took those pictured and I went to that reception and I felt so lonely and sad inside. Even my own husband hadn’t though I deserved to have one person stand by my side. I really was alone.
Normally, I was then one who would wake up and take care of the kids, but I couldn’t move. And I didn’t want to. I was still so angry that my husband had made me come even though he knew how hard it was for me. So he got up and stayed up while I went back to sleep until it really was morning. I guess you could say that he knew he’d pushed the envelope on this one. Or that he knew how close I was to the edge. But I was pretty sure the real reason was that he was hoping that if he did this for me, I’d change my attitude for him, so he could have a good time on HIS vacation.
After I woke up I got myself and the kids ready and we drove to the Hotel Del Coronado where the bride and groom had been staying and planned to have pictures taken before the ceremony. My future sister-in-law showed me to their room where she had arranged for two teenagers to babysit the kids after we took family pictures. The room was beautiful, the girls seemed nice and my sis-in-law- to- be had brought toys, books and snacks for the kids. I thanked her for her generosity knowing that she’d already confided to my mother-in-law that the only kids she was permitting at her wedding were her flesh and blood nieces and nephews (they were young but a tad older than my kids). I have to admit I felt hurt and angry that her toddler and preschool relatives could come but mine could not. My husband said that I’d have more fun if they weren’t there and while I couldn’t deny that there was a 100% chance of that being true, I felt she should have given me the opportunity to choose. Instead all I could think about was that my kids weren’t good enough to be included while her family was…
Anyway, we took the kids and went to the lobby of this upscale luxury hotel to take pictures. My mother and father-in-law and my husband’s sister and her husband were already waiting. I was actually starting to get into a festive mood. I had on a party dress (true it wasn’t exactly my taste) but it had a crinoline skirt that made swooshing noises every time I walked and the maid of honor had put a pretty flower in my hair (not a choice but a mandatory bridal fashion statement).
The photographer started to pose us. The kids looked so cute. Josh was wearing a teeny tiny tux that he had worn 5 months ago for my husband’s sister’s wedding pictures and Alex was wearing this gorgeous frilly pink dress that she’d been gifted with at her birth.
Unfortunately, Josh was being a kid who wasn’t quite 3 years old. A kid who was far from his home in a foreign land. A kid who woke up at 1 A.M. and probably needed a nap. I tried to get him to do what he was supposed to do. I could see my brother-in-law and his bride getting angry and agitated. I felt the pressure to make it all better. My heart was racing. I had to fix this. I was having trouble breathing and I felt dizzy. Meanwhile, my husband didn’t seem to notice that anything was wrong. He was busy laughing and chatting with his parents and sister.
And then it happened. My brother-in-law and his bride snapped…at me. Screaming, screaming, “Donna, make Josh stay still. Do something he’s ruining everything.” They were so angry and I was so powerless. I tried. I yelled at Josh. I coaxed him. I bribed him. I threatened him. As usual he seemed to be in his own world. All he seemed to care about were the matchbox cars he was holding. And if you took those away he’d go ballistic.
What do I do? What do I do? I looked around at my in-laws and my husband but no one offered a helping hand. And no one took my side and supported me against the bride and grooms verbal onslaught.
Suddenly, I couldn’t take it anymore. I ran out into the courtyard and I cried. My husband never came to get me. My mother-in-law did. She gave me a brief hug. I thought she’d come to tell me that they were wrong for yelling at me and me alone. I thought she came to tell me I was a good mother and that I was doing the best I could which was good enough, but after I calmed down all she said was that I had to go back and finish taking the pictured. Then she lead me back inside.
My husband never said a word. He never stood up for me. Not once. I felt so all alone. But I did what I had to do. I took those pictured and I went to that reception and I felt so lonely and sad inside. Even my own husband hadn’t though I deserved to have one person stand by my side. I really was alone.
| 38 |
| Vote |
subscribe to this blog
