Anne TootillTo Be or Not to Be a Mother - Part Three
January 30th 2007 15:49
Josh’s breathing still had not improved by that evening so when my husband came home I called the doctor (she had evening hours) and we brought him over. At that point I noticed that his neck was caving every time he took a breath but again she told us that it was just the fever. This time, however, she told us if we were still worried we could bring him to the emergency room.
That evening we took Josh home. He didn’t sleep much that night and so neither did we. From past experience I knew my husband would fight the idea (I think he thought hospitals were only for dead people) of taking Josh to the hospital. And fearing his temper I didn’t bring it up. But I had this bad feeling and it wouldn’t go away.
So the next morning, after my husband left for work, I called the doctor and told her I was taking Josh to the hospital. She told me she’d call ahead and let them know I was bringing him in. Then I called my dad (whose work schedule was flexible) told him I was taking Josh to the hospital and asked if he could watch Alex. Frankly, I thought he’d say no, but without hesitation he told me he was on his way. I couldn’t believe he was actually coming, just because I’d asked him to. And I didn’t even have to cry and act so pathetic that I made myself feel like a complete loser to get him to come. Anyway, after my dad I called my husband and told him that I’d already called the pediatrician and she agreed that I should take Josh to the hospital. Maybe it was because I’d told him the doctor had agreed that Josh should go, but surprisingly he never argued or got angry, instead he told me he was on his way and he’d meet us there. And then I bundled up Josh and I left.
My husband met us in the parking lot and carried Josh into the emergency room where they were waiting for him. The doctors took one look at him and pointed out the bluish tint of his fingernails and lips. Cause? A severe lack of oxygen. How could I have not seen that? How stupid was I? How much more of a loser mom could I be? Forget the fact that his pediatrician hadn’t noticed, I was his mom and mommies known better. I asked about the neck caving in every time he took a breath. And they told me that he was having an asthma attack. A very severe asthma attack. But he’d never been diagnosed with asthma. And I had asthma and while my chest may have caved in, not my neck.
According to the doctors this was the severest kind of asthma attack and he was struggling to get air in. Then they showed me how low his “SAT” (oxygen saturation) rate was and how fast his heart was beating to compensate. They said he some amazing trooper to be in such good spirits but so oxygen deprived. Then they hooked him up to an I.V. (so pathetic to see your toddler in so much pain as they poked around in his hand to find a viable vein) gave him some asthma medications, admitted him into the pediatric Intensive Care Unit and informed my husband and me that if things didn’t improve very soon they would have to sedate my little boy and shove a ventilator tube down his throat. How awful I thought, but then I considered the alternative, according to the doctors, “he could die”.
That evening we took Josh home. He didn’t sleep much that night and so neither did we. From past experience I knew my husband would fight the idea (I think he thought hospitals were only for dead people) of taking Josh to the hospital. And fearing his temper I didn’t bring it up. But I had this bad feeling and it wouldn’t go away.
So the next morning, after my husband left for work, I called the doctor and told her I was taking Josh to the hospital. She told me she’d call ahead and let them know I was bringing him in. Then I called my dad (whose work schedule was flexible) told him I was taking Josh to the hospital and asked if he could watch Alex. Frankly, I thought he’d say no, but without hesitation he told me he was on his way. I couldn’t believe he was actually coming, just because I’d asked him to. And I didn’t even have to cry and act so pathetic that I made myself feel like a complete loser to get him to come. Anyway, after my dad I called my husband and told him that I’d already called the pediatrician and she agreed that I should take Josh to the hospital. Maybe it was because I’d told him the doctor had agreed that Josh should go, but surprisingly he never argued or got angry, instead he told me he was on his way and he’d meet us there. And then I bundled up Josh and I left.
My husband met us in the parking lot and carried Josh into the emergency room where they were waiting for him. The doctors took one look at him and pointed out the bluish tint of his fingernails and lips. Cause? A severe lack of oxygen. How could I have not seen that? How stupid was I? How much more of a loser mom could I be? Forget the fact that his pediatrician hadn’t noticed, I was his mom and mommies known better. I asked about the neck caving in every time he took a breath. And they told me that he was having an asthma attack. A very severe asthma attack. But he’d never been diagnosed with asthma. And I had asthma and while my chest may have caved in, not my neck.
According to the doctors this was the severest kind of asthma attack and he was struggling to get air in. Then they showed me how low his “SAT” (oxygen saturation) rate was and how fast his heart was beating to compensate. They said he some amazing trooper to be in such good spirits but so oxygen deprived. Then they hooked him up to an I.V. (so pathetic to see your toddler in so much pain as they poked around in his hand to find a viable vein) gave him some asthma medications, admitted him into the pediatric Intensive Care Unit and informed my husband and me that if things didn’t improve very soon they would have to sedate my little boy and shove a ventilator tube down his throat. How awful I thought, but then I considered the alternative, according to the doctors, “he could die”.
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