Anne TootillTo Be or Not to Be a Mother - Part Three
January 8th 2007 17:52
The days are endless. But at least this time I get to sleep through most of the nights. Except when my asthma wakes me, which is starting to happen more and more each night.
My days go something like this. I wake up at 5 A.M. every morning when Josh wakes up. Soon after, Alex follows. I feed and change them. Bathe them. Dress them. And if it’s a nice day outside I put them both into a double stroller (no small feat to set-up the stroller and kids outside all by myself) and then we walk through the neighborhood for about an hour. Josh keeps busy by snacking on a bag of Cheerios and Alex either sleeps or looks around. It’s hard for me to walk and breathe. And my legs are still rubbery from all those months in bed but the only way I could think to put myself back together again was to exercise and so that’s what I was going to do.
Errands with two little ones (Josh is a bit of a maniac) is insane so I try to do them really early in the morning before my husband leaves for work or really late in the evening before we go to bed. Other than that I stay home and take care of the kids. I feed them and play with them.
It’s lonely. Both my sisters are now working, as do both sets of parents and my husband was never home. He had changed jobs to one closer to home which meant he left at 8 A.M. (instead of 7 A.M.) and came home at 7:30 P.M. (instead of 8:00 P.M.) – although now he worked a half day Saturday as well. But despite his reduced hours I still never saw him much or had much relief from the kids, because for the most part in the mornings I took care of the kids and then he came home after I put them to bed. Unfortunately, I also hadn’t had much chance to make any mommy friends due to confinement in bed.
Oh well, it wasn’t like I felt like talking to people anyway. Again I wish I could describe what I was feeling. It was as if my body was going through the motions, but the me, that made me, me was stuck inside watching as if everything I was experiencing was happening to someone else.
Oh and my law school scholarship was now officially defunct. I’d deferred it when I became pregnant and bedridden with Josh but couldn’t go back in time to use it because I became pregnant with Alex.
Oh well, what will be, will be.
My days go something like this. I wake up at 5 A.M. every morning when Josh wakes up. Soon after, Alex follows. I feed and change them. Bathe them. Dress them. And if it’s a nice day outside I put them both into a double stroller (no small feat to set-up the stroller and kids outside all by myself) and then we walk through the neighborhood for about an hour. Josh keeps busy by snacking on a bag of Cheerios and Alex either sleeps or looks around. It’s hard for me to walk and breathe. And my legs are still rubbery from all those months in bed but the only way I could think to put myself back together again was to exercise and so that’s what I was going to do.
Errands with two little ones (Josh is a bit of a maniac) is insane so I try to do them really early in the morning before my husband leaves for work or really late in the evening before we go to bed. Other than that I stay home and take care of the kids. I feed them and play with them.
It’s lonely. Both my sisters are now working, as do both sets of parents and my husband was never home. He had changed jobs to one closer to home which meant he left at 8 A.M. (instead of 7 A.M.) and came home at 7:30 P.M. (instead of 8:00 P.M.) – although now he worked a half day Saturday as well. But despite his reduced hours I still never saw him much or had much relief from the kids, because for the most part in the mornings I took care of the kids and then he came home after I put them to bed. Unfortunately, I also hadn’t had much chance to make any mommy friends due to confinement in bed.
Oh well, it wasn’t like I felt like talking to people anyway. Again I wish I could describe what I was feeling. It was as if my body was going through the motions, but the me, that made me, me was stuck inside watching as if everything I was experiencing was happening to someone else.
Oh and my law school scholarship was now officially defunct. I’d deferred it when I became pregnant and bedridden with Josh but couldn’t go back in time to use it because I became pregnant with Alex.
Oh well, what will be, will be.
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