Anne TootillTo Be or Not to Be a Mother - Part Three
December 29th 2006 14:54
I should have been happy but I was sad. And weepy. And I was still drooling into my spit pot. Alex was so adorable. She was short and chubby whereas Josh had been long and very, very skinny (because he had been premature).
This time my parents brought me a balloon arrangement (I’m allergic to a lot of things so they thought it would be safer) but my in-laws still didn’t bring me anything – did I mention that they sent flowers to both my sister-in-laws (one of which was their daughter) after they gave birth, but to me, not even a daisy (except of course if you count the potted plant my mother-in-law gave me after I came home from the hospital after giving birth to Josh. She instructed me to replant them in my flowerbed in front of the house because she hated how empty it looked.). You know my mother-in-law had always told me she wanted to be friends because she’d had it so hard with her mother-in-law and I’d tried. And she’d seemed pleased with every effort I made to fulfill all her needs and desires. So why didn’t she think I would want flowers like her other daughter-in – law and daughter did? It hurt. But I didn’t say anything. Didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable or bad. And they were so excited about the baby. And they were great parents to their son and grandparents to Josh so I guessed that was all that really mattered. Right?
My husband also didn’t bring me anything…again. I’d cried to him on the phone after I gave birth to Josh, sad that everyone else (three others) in the room was surrounded by flowers but not a one for me and he’d apologized but now that he could make up for it, he didn’t. I guess he wasn’t really sorry the first time. Or maybe he didn’t want to. This time I didn’t say anything. What was the point? But I felt like I counted less than the other new mothers who were being heaped with gifts and love. Not even a thank you from my husband for all that I had suffered. I knew I was being selfish. I had a beautiful healthy baby girl how dare I ask for more. But still I felt sad. All that seemed to matter was my incubating their grandchild, his child. I know I had to accept what was.
During my 24 hours in the hospital four out of the five Obstetrician’s in my practice visited me and strongly advised me not to have any more children. The incompetent cervix and the high hormone levels/severe morning sickness and hyper-salivation put me up there with their all-time sickest patients. You know what? It was the best advice I’d ever been given and I knew I’d follow it to the letter.
This time my parents brought me a balloon arrangement (I’m allergic to a lot of things so they thought it would be safer) but my in-laws still didn’t bring me anything – did I mention that they sent flowers to both my sister-in-laws (one of which was their daughter) after they gave birth, but to me, not even a daisy (except of course if you count the potted plant my mother-in-law gave me after I came home from the hospital after giving birth to Josh. She instructed me to replant them in my flowerbed in front of the house because she hated how empty it looked.). You know my mother-in-law had always told me she wanted to be friends because she’d had it so hard with her mother-in-law and I’d tried. And she’d seemed pleased with every effort I made to fulfill all her needs and desires. So why didn’t she think I would want flowers like her other daughter-in – law and daughter did? It hurt. But I didn’t say anything. Didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable or bad. And they were so excited about the baby. And they were great parents to their son and grandparents to Josh so I guessed that was all that really mattered. Right?
My husband also didn’t bring me anything…again. I’d cried to him on the phone after I gave birth to Josh, sad that everyone else (three others) in the room was surrounded by flowers but not a one for me and he’d apologized but now that he could make up for it, he didn’t. I guess he wasn’t really sorry the first time. Or maybe he didn’t want to. This time I didn’t say anything. What was the point? But I felt like I counted less than the other new mothers who were being heaped with gifts and love. Not even a thank you from my husband for all that I had suffered. I knew I was being selfish. I had a beautiful healthy baby girl how dare I ask for more. But still I felt sad. All that seemed to matter was my incubating their grandchild, his child. I know I had to accept what was.
During my 24 hours in the hospital four out of the five Obstetrician’s in my practice visited me and strongly advised me not to have any more children. The incompetent cervix and the high hormone levels/severe morning sickness and hyper-salivation put me up there with their all-time sickest patients. You know what? It was the best advice I’d ever been given and I knew I’d follow it to the letter.
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