Anne TootillTo Be to Not to Be a Mother -Part Two
December 14th 2006 18:21
Day after day. Night after night. Lying in bed. That’s all I ever did. So boring. So lonely. So empty.
During the day I watched Star Trek episodes from my husband’s extensive collection. He left me with a master list and Josh’s babysitter would periodically change the tape for me. Sometimes she’d bring Josh in but he was entering his toddler phase and couldn’t stay still for very long. Mostly, I spent the time by myself pretending I was living another life. I had an active imagination and it helped. It helped a lot.
Some days I felt well enough to talk on the phone to friends. And one evening I was speaking to Beth, my college suitemate. Beth lived in Brooklyn and was a true daddy’s girl. He gave her everything her heart desired and then some. And she had an active social life. She was constantly on the go, seeing, doing , being.
That night we chatted. Well, more like she chatted and I listened. You see she wasn’t a very nurturing person when it came to other people’s problems (although her problems had to be shared and cared about by everyone else). I didn’t mind not talking about me and neither did she. She we talked about what she was doing. About her friends, etc., etc., etc. I asked a lot of questions to keep the conversation going. It was so nice to live vicariously. I almost felt like I had a life. But after about fifteen minutes Beth cut me short. She’d had it with all my questions about her and her friends and what they were doing. She was ready to hang up.
That night Beth ended the conversation with some sage advice. “Get a life!” she told me and then she was gone. Get a life? I thought. I wish I could
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