Anne TootillTo Be or Not to Be a Mother -Part Two
November 15th 2006 15:53
Money’s been tight but we’ve made due. I loved my son but frankly I was bored and lonely. When I saw an ad for a job in the field I had been working in P.M. (pre-motherhood) I decided to apply without any expectations. Before I knew it I was hired at a significant increase in pay from my last position. And the man I would be working for seemed really great and very mother- friendly. I was tempted but what about day care for Josh? And by that I meant who could I trust to care for Josh like I would? Who would hug him and kiss him and play silly games and say silly things to him? Would he grow-up just as well if I wasn’t there all the time? Then again the money was great and we could really use it. And I was beginning to go stir crazy without any adult stimulation. What should I do?
Then the hands of fate took over and my decision was made. You see as it turned out my older sister who was working part-time decided she wanted to spend more time with her kids (and now she could afford it), so she quit her job leaving her amazing babysitter - who had become like a family member and who I had known and loved for years – wide open for the taking. The only problem was that I’d have to leave work at 4:30 every day in order for her daughter to be able to pick her up (the babysitter, a mature but energetic woman, didn’t drive). What boss would allow his new employee to leave half an hour earlier than everyone else?
The man who was going to be my boss would. This man, this wonderful family man completely understood my dilemma and immediately agreed to my leaving earlier than everyone else every day. The stars had aligned. How could I say no?
Guilty for abandoning my son? Without question. Worried that Josh would forget me and come to love his babysitter more? It wouldn’t be me if I thought anything else. Happy that I was getting out of the house to interact with people who spoke words that could be found in a dictionary? Oh yes. Happy that I was earning my own money so that I didn’t have to feel guilty and worry about every penny I spent? Yes, yes and double yes.
Then the hands of fate took over and my decision was made. You see as it turned out my older sister who was working part-time decided she wanted to spend more time with her kids (and now she could afford it), so she quit her job leaving her amazing babysitter - who had become like a family member and who I had known and loved for years – wide open for the taking. The only problem was that I’d have to leave work at 4:30 every day in order for her daughter to be able to pick her up (the babysitter, a mature but energetic woman, didn’t drive). What boss would allow his new employee to leave half an hour earlier than everyone else?
The man who was going to be my boss would. This man, this wonderful family man completely understood my dilemma and immediately agreed to my leaving earlier than everyone else every day. The stars had aligned. How could I say no?
Guilty for abandoning my son? Without question. Worried that Josh would forget me and come to love his babysitter more? It wouldn’t be me if I thought anything else. Happy that I was getting out of the house to interact with people who spoke words that could be found in a dictionary? Oh yes. Happy that I was earning my own money so that I didn’t have to feel guilty and worry about every penny I spent? Yes, yes and double yes.
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