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To Be or Not to Be a Mother -Part Two

October 19th 2006 18:02
I was at the pediatrician again today. Josh had to be weighed and measured. Everything was great. Just great according to the doc. I should have been happier but what I really wanted to hear was that he’d found something. Something teeny tiny that could easily be fixed without cutting or sewing. Something small enough to be no big deal. But big enough to solve the mystery of all those tears. Give me something. But there was nothing to give. He just had no real reason why my son was so fussy.
At least there was no physical reason. And even though I’m sure in thirty years, when Josh is lying on a couch talking to his shrink and blaming his mother for everything from his bunions to his fear of intimacy, right now I think it’s too early for my mistakes to have emotionally taken its toll.


It wasn’t that the pediatrician didn’t feel for me, but what could he do? Well there was one thing he thought might help. Not really help me, but help other people who were also dealing with colic. Help them to know they weren’t alone. Would I consider letting ABC film me for a colicky baby segment to be aired on the show 20/20?

T.V.? Me? Hey, I wasn’t crazy about the way I looked when I was getting sleep. And I hadn’t lost all the baby weight yet. Maybe…maybe not. He told me to talk it over with
my husband. And I did. Unfortunately, he was thrilled. Thank goodness they had to interview us first. What were the chances we’d be chosen? Let me count the number of times I’d won something over someone else? Yup, I was safe.

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