Anne TootillTo Be or Not To Be a Mother -Part Three
May 15th 2007 22:16
On the way home from the hospital I had started to think about the emergency doctors words. Scarring? I hadn’t thought about scarring. But when I walked into the house I plastered on a smile and thanked my friend for going out of her way to watch the kids. I felt so guilty imposing on her even though she seemed more concerned about me (which in turn made me feel guilty for wasting her time).
Anyway, I told her I was O.K. and that I was still planning on going to class. She told me to give myself a break. But the truth was that the teachers in my program had made it clear that they would accept only one reason for missing a class…death. Besides while I wasn’t feeling a 100% (I’d started to feel a bit feverish at that point) I felt I was good enough to go. So I thanked her again and said good-bye.
I told the kids we were getting ready to go to school and I went to the bathroom. And that’s when I got my first look at what I’d done to myself. Ohmigod. I stared in the mirror at my face, the entire right side covered in one huge oozing blister from my eye to my jaw, another huge one on my neck, a series of them trailing to my breast and when I pulled down my pants several goose-egg sized blisters ran from mid thigh to knee (I had been wearing leggings and at first the heat had attached them to my skin. I was hideous. Scarring? The doctor had said there’d likely be scarring. All that scarring. Ohmigod. I started to cry. I cried quietly so I wouldn’t upset the kids
I never did make it to class that day. So unlike me. I always did what I was supposed to do. But I was so sad. By this time I was starting to shiver with a slight fever (turns out burns cause dehydration and the shivering was a common side effect). I felt awful and the kids were being their usual needy selves. My husband wouldn’t be home from work for another few hours (no he wasn’t planning on leaving early that night either). I was so tired. It was so hard for me to get the dinner ready and take care of the kids.
There I was left all alone to take care of my two little active kids as I shivered and I oozed. How ugly and deformed would I be in the end?
Anyway, I told her I was O.K. and that I was still planning on going to class. She told me to give myself a break. But the truth was that the teachers in my program had made it clear that they would accept only one reason for missing a class…death. Besides while I wasn’t feeling a 100% (I’d started to feel a bit feverish at that point) I felt I was good enough to go. So I thanked her again and said good-bye.
I told the kids we were getting ready to go to school and I went to the bathroom. And that’s when I got my first look at what I’d done to myself. Ohmigod. I stared in the mirror at my face, the entire right side covered in one huge oozing blister from my eye to my jaw, another huge one on my neck, a series of them trailing to my breast and when I pulled down my pants several goose-egg sized blisters ran from mid thigh to knee (I had been wearing leggings and at first the heat had attached them to my skin. I was hideous. Scarring? The doctor had said there’d likely be scarring. All that scarring. Ohmigod. I started to cry. I cried quietly so I wouldn’t upset the kids
I never did make it to class that day. So unlike me. I always did what I was supposed to do. But I was so sad. By this time I was starting to shiver with a slight fever (turns out burns cause dehydration and the shivering was a common side effect). I felt awful and the kids were being their usual needy selves. My husband wouldn’t be home from work for another few hours (no he wasn’t planning on leaving early that night either). I was so tired. It was so hard for me to get the dinner ready and take care of the kids.
| 31 |
| Vote |
Shared on
Subscribe to this blog
