Anne TootillTo Be or Not to Be a Mother -Part One
September 26th 2006 16:38
[Ancient Rome circa some number B.C. (Before Children). Imagine the majestic Roman architecture with those high imposing columns. The aristocrats in their flowing white Togas lounging on their sides propped up on one elbow as slaves fan them with huge feathery things and feed them wine and grapes. Now leave out the Roman architecture including the columns. Leave out the aristocrats in flowing white Togas. Leave out the slaves, the fans, the wine and the grapes. Instead insert one drooling pregnant woman dressed in three year old pregnancy hand-me-downs (why waste new stylish clothes on a person all dressed up with no place to go) also reclining, also propped up on one elbow. It was all so Romanesque. Right?
Wrong. You know that job you really hate. The one that has you working a 1000 hours a week running around without a moment to rest? Ever wish you could just call it quits and lie around eating bon bons all day long? Remember what they say, “be careful what you wish for because you just may get it”. Well I’m “it” and trust me it’s not a position to envy. Contrary to Roman belief food does not taste better when you’re in a resting state. I challenge any old (and by old I mean ancient) Roman to try eating in a standing position. I bet dollars to donuts ounce he gets the knack he’ll never go back. To reclining that is. Since I’ve been in a resting state I have a new found respect for gravity. If you lay there, so does the food.
Look at the upside, you say? Are you referring to living out my lifelong dream of being so skinny I could eat anything I want and not worry about my weight? True I had lost ten pounds (from the morning, noon and night sickness)and was now a bag of skin, bones and DD-size boobs, but eating forbidden foods hasn’t been the fantasy I’d hoped it would be. As a matter of fact it’s been one digestive nightmare.
Let’s stick with the theme of imagine this. O. K. Imagine you’re Jeff Goldblum in the remake of that classic movie, The Fly. Forget the hot sex he had with the statuesque goddess Geena Davis and concentrate on those scenes of him eating. More specifically of him eating after he’s morphed into Fly- mode. Do you remember what happened every time he chewed? That’s right, he chewed and he drooled. Some sort of acid-like saliva that digested his food. Well I’m not sure if the purpose was the same but the technique was right up my alley. Be honest, do you really think that, that cheesecake you’ve been dying to eat is going to be as satisfying if you’re forced to consume it like an insect/woman mutant in a horror flick? And the best part of all? The weight gain, of course. Calories in, no calories out (you need to move to expend calories) equals lots of extra weight. What can I say? No dream come true.
Wrong. You know that job you really hate. The one that has you working a 1000 hours a week running around without a moment to rest? Ever wish you could just call it quits and lie around eating bon bons all day long? Remember what they say, “be careful what you wish for because you just may get it”. Well I’m “it” and trust me it’s not a position to envy. Contrary to Roman belief food does not taste better when you’re in a resting state. I challenge any old (and by old I mean ancient) Roman to try eating in a standing position. I bet dollars to donuts ounce he gets the knack he’ll never go back. To reclining that is. Since I’ve been in a resting state I have a new found respect for gravity. If you lay there, so does the food.
Look at the upside, you say? Are you referring to living out my lifelong dream of being so skinny I could eat anything I want and not worry about my weight? True I had lost ten pounds (from the morning, noon and night sickness)and was now a bag of skin, bones and DD-size boobs, but eating forbidden foods hasn’t been the fantasy I’d hoped it would be. As a matter of fact it’s been one digestive nightmare.
Let’s stick with the theme of imagine this. O. K. Imagine you’re Jeff Goldblum in the remake of that classic movie, The Fly. Forget the hot sex he had with the statuesque goddess Geena Davis and concentrate on those scenes of him eating. More specifically of him eating after he’s morphed into Fly- mode. Do you remember what happened every time he chewed? That’s right, he chewed and he drooled. Some sort of acid-like saliva that digested his food. Well I’m not sure if the purpose was the same but the technique was right up my alley. Be honest, do you really think that, that cheesecake you’ve been dying to eat is going to be as satisfying if you’re forced to consume it like an insect/woman mutant in a horror flick? And the best part of all? The weight gain, of course. Calories in, no calories out (you need to move to expend calories) equals lots of extra weight. What can I say? No dream come true.
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