WhitneyTo Be or Not To Be a Mother - Part Three
March 7th 2007 21:03
That night I couldn’t breathe so I called the doctor’s emergency number. An hour later he still hadn’t returned my call so I tried again. All night I waited. But he never did return my call. My breathing was quick and shallow. I probably should have gone to the hospital, but it never occurred to me…or my husband. I was scared but not surprised. As I was beginning to discover (never having needed to before), people were rarely there when you needed them.
The doctor never called but my mother-in-law did. And when she found out I was taking allergy shots to help my breathing she suggested I add dogs to the mix. You see I had a really bad allergy to dogs - grew up with one and at the end of her life I developed an allergy which became even worse after she died - and my sister-in-law - her daughter - had a really big dog – I think it was a Siberian husky. The doctor hadn’t suggested allergy shots for the dog allergy because frankly I wasn’t around dogs that much at this point in my life and I could easily stay away from them. But since my mother-in-law loved her big family gatherings…and since my sister-in-law and her family lived 2 hours away from…and didn’t want to travel to us…we had to travel to them.
So I did what I was supposed to and I took a huge amount of Benedryl (antihistamine) so I could breathe in the house with the dog. It would have helped if my sister-in-law had put the dog (sheds alot) into another room or outside when I was in the house but she refused –after all, according to her, the dog had the same rights to romp, without being disturbed, through every room of the house just like any other member of her family (which apparently did not include me). So I had to drug myself sleepy and hope my breathing held out all to please my husband and his family. And so I did. Even though inside I was so hurt and angry that the dog had more rights than me.
Anyway, as I was saying my mother-in-law thought it would be easier for “everyone” if I got rid of that dog allergy. Even though she knew I was having a hard time taking the allergy shots without the anti-dog serum added. “Now Donna,” she said in that phony sweet –as if she truly cared voice – “it’s best for everyone if you do this.”
I don’t know what happened to me in that moment, but something inside me snapped. Maybe it was my labored breathing. Maybe it was because I was depressed all the time and felt like crap or maybe it was knowing that my sister-in-law kept the dog away from; scared playdates (her children’s frightened friends), workmen in the house, guests at her parties (she even transported the dog across state lines to stay at my in-laws so that her guests wouldn’t have to deal with him) - translation anyone she really respected or needed - but all of sudden I’d had it with what was best for my princess sister-in-law and my critical unsupportive mother-in-law and making all their dreams come true. Why was I always expected to be the one that didn’t make waves. To suck it all up and do what was best for “everyone” else?
So I did something that was so out of character that I was shaking for the rest of the night. I told my mother-in-law…no. And then I handed the phone to my husband and guess what he did? He told her that his sister’s dog did not count more than his wife and that until she put the dog outside or into another room we would never set foot into her house again. And you know what? If I hadn’t felt so bad about saying no (to my mother-in-law) I would have felt so good.
The doctor never called but my mother-in-law did. And when she found out I was taking allergy shots to help my breathing she suggested I add dogs to the mix. You see I had a really bad allergy to dogs - grew up with one and at the end of her life I developed an allergy which became even worse after she died - and my sister-in-law - her daughter - had a really big dog – I think it was a Siberian husky. The doctor hadn’t suggested allergy shots for the dog allergy because frankly I wasn’t around dogs that much at this point in my life and I could easily stay away from them. But since my mother-in-law loved her big family gatherings…and since my sister-in-law and her family lived 2 hours away from…and didn’t want to travel to us…we had to travel to them.
So I did what I was supposed to and I took a huge amount of Benedryl (antihistamine) so I could breathe in the house with the dog. It would have helped if my sister-in-law had put the dog (sheds alot) into another room or outside when I was in the house but she refused –after all, according to her, the dog had the same rights to romp, without being disturbed, through every room of the house just like any other member of her family (which apparently did not include me). So I had to drug myself sleepy and hope my breathing held out all to please my husband and his family. And so I did. Even though inside I was so hurt and angry that the dog had more rights than me.
Anyway, as I was saying my mother-in-law thought it would be easier for “everyone” if I got rid of that dog allergy. Even though she knew I was having a hard time taking the allergy shots without the anti-dog serum added. “Now Donna,” she said in that phony sweet –as if she truly cared voice – “it’s best for everyone if you do this.”
I don’t know what happened to me in that moment, but something inside me snapped. Maybe it was my labored breathing. Maybe it was because I was depressed all the time and felt like crap or maybe it was knowing that my sister-in-law kept the dog away from; scared playdates (her children’s frightened friends), workmen in the house, guests at her parties (she even transported the dog across state lines to stay at my in-laws so that her guests wouldn’t have to deal with him) - translation anyone she really respected or needed - but all of sudden I’d had it with what was best for my princess sister-in-law and my critical unsupportive mother-in-law and making all their dreams come true. Why was I always expected to be the one that didn’t make waves. To suck it all up and do what was best for “everyone” else?
So I did something that was so out of character that I was shaking for the rest of the night. I told my mother-in-law…no. And then I handed the phone to my husband and guess what he did? He told her that his sister’s dog did not count more than his wife and that until she put the dog outside or into another room we would never set foot into her house again. And you know what? If I hadn’t felt so bad about saying no (to my mother-in-law) I would have felt so good.
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