WhitneyParenting Tips for a Divorced Mom
July 6th 2010 19:00
First off, when in the middle of your divorce, you want to keep your children out of it. There's no, 'daddy's is a bad man, you want to live me me" kind of talk. You want your children to love and respect their father. Now, each situation is different, but in general, you don't want to bad-mouth your children's father.
You want to make sure that when you and your soon to be ex-husband are setting up the divorce agreement, you keep in mind the children. You want to consider who's home will be best and how you will set up partial custody. Keep in mind insurance, college tuition, college housing, cars, cell phone bills, and any other future expense. Even if the children are very young, you don't want to exclude potential expenses based on the current age of the children. You will have them eventually, and you can't be expected to pay for everything.
Try to keep civil when your children are around. They see and hear everything. Call your ex when you're going to be late, and expect the same in return. Have everything ready when they're going to be picked up. It's easier on the kids if you are more calm and collect.
If you are the one paying the child support, make sure that you pay regularly and on time. You are punishing your children, not your ex, when you don't pay. If you don't have the money at the moment, explain the situation to your ex, and try to pay what you can. Don't neglect your children, as it's no longer a fight between you and your ex.
Be honest with your ex. Keep them informed as to what is happening with the children in school, with friends, etc. You want everything to be open and honest.
Try to make sure that you and your ex keep the same rules, bed time, allowances, etc. You don't want it to be, "Dad pays more for less chores" or "I can stay up all night and eat cookies before dinner over there." It is not a competition between you and your ex; it is a duty for you to raise your children to the best of your ability, which can't be properly done if you are constantly fighting and scheming to get your kids to like you better, so to speak. Everything needs to be equal and the same at both houses.
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