WhitneyOvercoming Jealousy
March 25th 2009 15:39
Jealousy can well up inside you and build until you have started the beginning of a problem in your relationship. To some degree it's only natural to be a little jealous, but you want to make sure that you do not let the green eyed monster take a hold of you.
If you can figure out what exactly makes you jealous, you can start the beginning process of overcoming your jealously problems and you can start to put your main focus on building trust, setting boundaries inside and outside the relationship, and respecting each other.
Things that may cause your jealousy can include:
* You may be insecure about your self-worth, to where some part of you feels like you just don't measure up. And in this case, if you can't love yourself, you may not believe that someone else would love you, leading you to believe that your partner may leave you for someone else.
* You're prone to cheat, so you think that because you have done it and are capable of it, your partner may be prone to the behavior as well.
* There haven't been clear boundaries set within the relationship, and because you don't know what is permissible and what isn't, you may be on your toes about what your partner is doing when not around you.
* Your partner is cheating on your either physically or emotionally. Even if your partner is sharing and confiding in someone other than you, it may make you feel more vulnerable to the loss of the relationship.
You should also try to determine if you just being paranoid, or do you really have a jealousy problem? Normal jealousy can sometimes alert you to a problem, but an obsession jealousy and paranoia can cause problems that may not exist. Look back at previous relationships to determine whether there was a jealousy problem there.
Now that you've hopefully figured out what is making you jealous, you need to find ways to overcome your jealously before it causes problems in your relationship. The more trusting that you are with your partner, the healthier your relationship can become. You do not want the jealousy to overcome you.
1. Avoid Players and Flirts. Although not all flirts can cause problems in regards to cheating, if you know that you have a jealousy problem, then you want to avoid them altogether because you'll always be wondering what if it's more than just flirting.
2. Gain confidence. Sometimes jealously does not lie within your partner but within yourself. If you lack confidence in some area of your life, you may feel that your partner will leave you, so it's good to work on your confidence so that if you feel better about yourself, you may not become envious of other people that your partner talks to or hangs out with.
3. Talk to your partner. By communicating with your partner, you can overcome your jealousy. If your partner knows how you feel about how he acts or what he says to people you think are attractive, he can correct his behaviors. Just make sure that your partner is aware that you are not accusing him of anything. Accusations will not get you anywhere.
4. Create a line. You want to make sure that both you and your partner are aware of what you both feel is acceptable behavior. If you both know the rules, so to speak, then there shouldn't be a problem unless the rules are truly broken. If you don't know the rules, then that can lead to higher risk of jealousy concerns. Just make sure that the boundaries are reasonable.
5. Find ways to strengthen the relationship. You may find that if you are overly jealous, especially if you have no reason to be, then your relationship may not be as strong as it should be. You should address that so that you and your partner can figure out what the problem really is and work on correcting that concern versus wasting time and energy with your jealousy concerns.
If you can figure out what exactly makes you jealous, you can start the beginning process of overcoming your jealously problems and you can start to put your main focus on building trust, setting boundaries inside and outside the relationship, and respecting each other.
Things that may cause your jealousy can include:
* You may be insecure about your self-worth, to where some part of you feels like you just don't measure up. And in this case, if you can't love yourself, you may not believe that someone else would love you, leading you to believe that your partner may leave you for someone else.
* You're prone to cheat, so you think that because you have done it and are capable of it, your partner may be prone to the behavior as well.
* There haven't been clear boundaries set within the relationship, and because you don't know what is permissible and what isn't, you may be on your toes about what your partner is doing when not around you.
* Your partner is cheating on your either physically or emotionally. Even if your partner is sharing and confiding in someone other than you, it may make you feel more vulnerable to the loss of the relationship.
You should also try to determine if you just being paranoid, or do you really have a jealousy problem? Normal jealousy can sometimes alert you to a problem, but an obsession jealousy and paranoia can cause problems that may not exist. Look back at previous relationships to determine whether there was a jealousy problem there.
1. Avoid Players and Flirts. Although not all flirts can cause problems in regards to cheating, if you know that you have a jealousy problem, then you want to avoid them altogether because you'll always be wondering what if it's more than just flirting.
2. Gain confidence. Sometimes jealously does not lie within your partner but within yourself. If you lack confidence in some area of your life, you may feel that your partner will leave you, so it's good to work on your confidence so that if you feel better about yourself, you may not become envious of other people that your partner talks to or hangs out with.
3. Talk to your partner. By communicating with your partner, you can overcome your jealousy. If your partner knows how you feel about how he acts or what he says to people you think are attractive, he can correct his behaviors. Just make sure that your partner is aware that you are not accusing him of anything. Accusations will not get you anywhere.
4. Create a line. You want to make sure that both you and your partner are aware of what you both feel is acceptable behavior. If you both know the rules, so to speak, then there shouldn't be a problem unless the rules are truly broken. If you don't know the rules, then that can lead to higher risk of jealousy concerns. Just make sure that the boundaries are reasonable.
5. Find ways to strengthen the relationship. You may find that if you are overly jealous, especially if you have no reason to be, then your relationship may not be as strong as it should be. You should address that so that you and your partner can figure out what the problem really is and work on correcting that concern versus wasting time and energy with your jealousy concerns.
| 72 |
| Vote |
subscribe to this blog
Comment by Carolyn Cordon
Light Within
How do You Express Your Creativity?
Food Leaf
An interesting post, thank you Whitney. I think low self esteem is the cause of so many of our personal problems.
Comment by Whitney
The Female View
Pet Advice
Tech Stripe
Alternative Look
I definitely agree that low self-esteem is a big cause of most people's jealousy. If you can't love yourself, how are you supposed to love someone else. Love and trust in a way run side-by-side to some degree.
Comment by Carolyn Cordon
Light Within
How do You Express Your Creativity?
Food Leaf
Not always, there can be any number of reasons, and of course, sometimes you significant other might be playing around on you. Stewing in jealousy won't solve the problem though.
Comment by Whitney
The Female View
Pet Advice
Tech Stripe
Alternative Look